turbulence

the last one month has been an eye-opener in more ways than i would have thought. a new house, rekindling old school day memories, friends, wonderfully progressing project, steady work towards my future exams. maybe i was too quick in thinking, that i couldn't ask for more, for i was not anticipating the nightmare that was awaiting. as the days slowly unraveled, i ended up like a house-elf from one of the harry potter novels, and had to bear all financial expenses and what not! and added to that, every single move was being scrutinized and not to surmise was being reported in wrong way by a certain someone too. trust me, this is when i really knew what abuse and domestic cruelty to women are though i am single and just sharing a house with someone. my project came to a stand still. people i trusted the most, found it very easy to trample my heart and walk away with ease. people i thought were arrogant, turned out to be solid friends. i am indebted to my family (extended as well), friends (old and new) - the true solid ones and even people who gave me hell for without the former i wouldn't have had the strength to push through and face things and without the latter i wouldn't have known the cheaper ruthless disloyal, unclassy and mean world. it really was an eye opener and all through this turbulent period, am really proud that though with slightly ruffled feathers, i still manage to stay put and sane.i still believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel for after such a fall, there is no lower that one can go, except rise up.

crying myself to sleep and worrying about the situation, the complication, the finance, the responsibilities, the loneliness and what not, i find the courage to test limits and never say no and get back up again. i now know to trust my gut instincts and not to try to win over it by logic. i now know that the first impression is indeed an accurate impression. if my heart tells me this guy is a no-gooder for me, i should learn to trust my instincts that find reasons to be with him. if my heart tells me my house owner is not what she says she is, its time i learnt to believe my heart.

the more i understand life, the more i see people, living their amidst their own problems, in their own small world, trapped in the dogmas that a hypocritical society lays down. I wont say i dont regret the problems that i have pulled upon myself, but i know i will face them right on and come out of it without losing focus.

every adversity has something to teach, and the month of February has taught me life. life lessons that have shaped me the hard way, but still shaped me.